right now im so confused.

i stil want him.

but hes not giving me any signals.

his eyes say he wants me but his actions say he doesnt.

what if he doesnt? should i back off? if i back off and he still likes me surely he'll think that i dont like him anymore, when i do. if i dont back off though and he doesnt like me, he's going to end up hating me for being so pushy.

maybe he's nervous, around me? he shouldnt be but he cant help it.

we have a trip to the tate modern two days before my birthday. for art. celia's going. i dont know if he is. i hope he does. it will be fun without him in my head for a day. but thats never going to happen. and if he does come and he ignores me i dont think i could stand it. it would rip me open. to see him not wanting me. at least this way, him not telling me i have some hope. but i want some reassurance that he does still want me. because i dont want to pine over something thats never going to be there. i *wish* he'd tell me.

his friends say confusing things. darren says that he's so near to asking me out, but im not so sure. when we go back to school things will get sorted. i hope.

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